Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein Offers Tips On How Grandparents Can Connect With Grandchildren

Dr. Holstein is a positive psychologist, educator and author of fiction books for teens and tweens. She believes teens and tweens can learn valuable life skills from grandparents in spite of an ever widening generational gap. Time comes at a premium to today's overworked and frazzled parent. Daycare is not the answer. It is instead the grandparent who has the time to take a lead role in the grandchild's social development

Parents today are literally overwhelmed. Who has the time to focus on a child's emotional and developmental needs? Oftentimes it is not the parent. Most parents are frazzled, living on the edge of exhaustion and deep into multi-tasking. Parents are of course responsible for all the basics that a child needs. They provide the housing, the trips to the pediatrician, the late night soothing after a bad dream, the trips to the mall for school clothing, and most of the daily needs that children have, such as getting a ride to school, and sitting at the table for dinner.

But who has the time for the magical moment with a child? Who has the time to really listen to what she is saying and even write it down, next to a digital picture of the moment when it was said? Probably not the child's mom or dad. And who has the time to help her develop the social and intellectual skills she really will need to be a good citizen?

Most likely it will be the grandparent. If grandparents realize how important they are they can take the time to step up to the plate. It is a grandparent who can have the magical moments with a grandchild; to find those flowers to press and start the rock collection and sit in the window seat chatting about how it was to grow up long ago. And in grabbing those magical moments a grandparent does something else. The grandparent will be doing a great service to the next generation. The grandparent will be helping them grow in three basic ways that no one else in the world may have the time or patience to attend to. Here they are:

1.Grandparents can help grandchildren develop curiosity. Nothing stirs the mind to be curious than someone else so fascinated by a subject that you just have to learn more. Grandparents have the time to be fascinated and to pass that feeling along. For example, just learning how to grow tomatoes in a barrel can be interesting and exciting for both grandparent and grandchild. Or perhaps a neighbor speaks in sign language and it is grandma who decides both she is grandchild will learn to also speak that way. The determination of the grandparent can rub off on a grandchild. The grandchild will then see the world as a multi-faceted marvelous place that grandma has helped her notice!

2. As grandparents we can help our grandchildren develop their intellects. Whether you live around the corner or thousands of miles away, you can send your grandchild books, interesting articles, puzzles, games, etc. And you can make sure that when you are with her you teach her lots of stuff. You can discuss the news, find countries on the globe, play word and number games, read plays aloud. All is good for developing the mind and expanding the mind so that your grandchild will think beyond her direct environment.

3. As grandparents we can help grandchildren develop social skills. You have the time to teach manners; perhaps how to set a table or how to open a door for grown-ups. You can take her out to eat, even if it is at the local diner. And you can teach her how to read a menu, eat with intention and enjoyment, make good conversation as she eats, etc. You can teach her how to ballroom dance, or maybe square dance. You can take her to meet your friends or to do good needs. She can help you at the local food canteen or socialize with your friends.

What is the result? The grandchild may grow up to be a fine, caring, knowledgeable person with a desire to help others and be able to socialize with people of all ages.

Dr. Barbara speaks regularly on radio programs around the country, and appears on television in New York and New Jersey. Her inspiring audio shows and podcasts can be found on the web, along with hundreds of her articles and stories. She has been a contributor to Heart and Soul, Cosmopolitan Magazine, Redbook, Simple Pleasures, The Wall Street Journal, Time on line, and Family Circle Magazine. She was quoted in an article entitled 'What A Big Mistake Can Teach You' in the September issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine. She can be reached using the information below or by email at drbarbara@enchantedself.com

Profile:

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist and Happiness Coach, is the creator of The Enchanted Self ®, a positive psychology method for increasing happiness. Dr. Holstein has been a school psychologist for over 25 years. She is in private practice in Long Branch, New Jersey with her husband, Dr. Russell M. Holstein.

Her pathfinder book ‘The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy’ was published in 1997 by Harwood Academic Publishers and is now in its second printing through Brunner-Routledge. Her second book ‘Recipes for Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is YOU!’ has received rave reviews as a wonderful inspirational story book. ‘DELIGHT’, Dr. Holstein’s third book is available in two versions, paperback and a CD-rom that includes music, art, and Dr. Holstein’s voice.

Her book, ‘The Truth, (I’m a girl, I’m Smart and I Know Everything)’ is a first in positive psychology. It is a fiction book for girls, tweens and teens. Written by an 11 year old girl as a diary, Dr. Barbara has embedded within the story positive truths and concepts geared to help girls develop self-esteem and resiliency.

Her second book in The Truth Series is Secrets: You Tell Me Yours and I’ll Tell You Mine…maybe!’ The girl is now 13. She handles many adolescent issues, including a crush, moving, a death in the family, feeling fat and problems with girlfriends. Kids and grandparents have a book they can share and use as a sounding board for needed communication between the generations. This book can make a wonderful holiday gift from grandparent to grandchild to begin to open those lines of communication. Purchasers of Secrets will receive a DVD of one of Dr. Holstein's teleclasses or the audio edition of Recipes for Enchantment, at no charge. Simply write to her at drbarbara@enchantedself.com with proof of purchase and a mailing address. All books are available at the author’s websites below, online booksellers and stores nationwide.

Contact:

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
170 Morris Ave.,
Long Branch, New Jersey 07740
732-571-1200
www.enchantedself.com
www.thetruthforgirls.com
drbarbara@enchantedself.com

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Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein Offers Seven Tips To Grandparents Who Are Critical To The Safety And Health Of Grandchildren

Dr. Holstein is a positive psychologist, educator and author of fiction books for teens and tweens. She believes grandparents should take a lead role in the health, safety and welfare of their grandchildren, and recently offered seven tips to help grandparents take steps toward achieving these goals

[July 21, Long Branch, NJ ] Grandparents can sometimes believe they are dispensable. This is a false assumption. Grandparents leave a remarkable imprint on a grandchild's life and have an important role to play. Grandparents give a sense of love and adoration for the grandchild that few parents have the energy or interest to sustain. Often Grandparents offer a special gift or the money for a science camp, a trip to Disneyland or some other experience in life that the parents simply can't or don't feel obliged to offer. Lastly, grandparents are simply interesting by virtue of the fact that they lived though a past for which grandchildren feel a sense of curiosity.

Grandparents have influence that can be critical. Grandparents have that extra pair of eyes that parents have often sacrificed in the line of daily duty and through the necessity of maintaining the upkeep of the children. They often provide a 'fresh set of eyes' and can perhaps tell when something is off. Parents can miss these subtleties.

Below are seven ways grandparents can help their grandchildren grow up strong, safe and happy:

1. Stay in touch with your grandchildren so you have a good baseline on their personalities and development. If you live apart then rely on all the modern world has to offer: e-mailing, phoning and faxing, Skpe, home video's, photographs, shared family blogs and of course snail mail. Not only will you be ready to help if there is something 'up' with a grandchild, but you will have such fun communicating and being part of their world.

2. Help each child feel special. For example you could create scrapbooks of special moments for each child on special occasions, such as a milestone birthday. The scrapbook can contain your thoughts and wishes for the child as well as photo's, special souvenirs saved from times spent together, and even family history. Each scrapbook can be very different, reflecting the needs and interests of a particular child.

3. Whether you see your grand kids every week or every three years, make sure you spend some alone time with each child. It is amazing how differently kids share themselves and even their hopes, dreams and secrets when the other siblings, or parents are not around. If you can't do much, even a slow walk around the block will lead to good fun and a better knowledge of your grandchild.

4. Now that you have the relationship going well, it is time to become very observant. Do you see any strange or unusual habits developing? Or do you see some social changes? These could include everything from an eye twitch to excessive crying, bullying of a sibling, spending too much alone time in her room, a change in friends that gives you some concerns, or maybe too few friends. It could also include such things as becoming a very picky eater or suddenly putting on a lot of weight.

5. If there are changes as noted above, don't react with drama or accusations. That is sure to set your own child off, and perhaps close the door to your visits and also, perhaps, perpetuate a bad situation so it will become worse. Rather, talk gently and with care and in private to your child. Let your own grown child have some time to respond. She may appear indifferent or she may open up and share her own concerns. Your granddaughter will be best served if follow your own daughter's lead and see where it goes. It may be painful, as you wish to change everything at once for your granddaughter. Sometimes we can only plant the seed and long after your visit you will find out that your granddaughter is indeed in counseling or working with the school guidance counselor in a peer group for social issues.

6. If you see a real crisis, then you have every right as family to be persistent and direct. For example, if you hear your granddaughter throwing up in the bathroom after meals, you should speak with authority (again in private) to your daughter, that she must take your granddaughter in for a medical exam. Eating disorders are real and potentially even fatal. You have a responsibility to react strongly.

Likewise, if you see one of your grand kids bullying and or physically punching, pushing hard, etc. on a younger sibling again and again, talk to your own child seriously. First of all, it is dangerous. Your older grandchild could hurt the younger one both physically and emotionally. Secondly, he could have his own emotion problems that need attention. Lastly, he could be a bully in the making and will also intimidate and hurt other children in the school yard, on the street, in the school hallways, etc.

7. Lastly, remember to share yourself with your grand kids. Just because everyone today has a cell phone, doesn't mean the kids aren't fascinated by the fact that your had one phone in your house when you grew up, or that the family of six drivers shared one beat up car or that you got up at 6:00 am for your paper route through town. Maybe you even had a doctor that still made house calls when someone was suddenly ill! It is the richness of your history along with your wisdom and willingness to push for the health and happiness of your grand kids that make you a great grandparent. Don't give up your assignment! The kids need you!

Dr. Barbara speaks regularly on radio programs around the country, and appears on television in New York and New Jersey. Her inspiring audio shows and podcasts can be found on the web, along with hundreds of her articles and stories. She has been a contributor to Heart and Soul, Cosmopolitan Magazine, Redbook, Real Simple, The Wall Street Journal, Time on line, and Family Circle Magazine. She can be reached using the information below or by email at drbarbara@enchantedself.com

Profile:
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, internationally know Positive Psychologist is the creator of The Enchanted Self ®, a positive psychology method for increasing happiness. Dr. Holstein has been a school psychologist for over 25 years. She is in private practice in Long Branch, New Jersey with her husband, Dr. Russell M. Holstein.

Her pathfinder book ‘The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy’ was published in 1997 by Harwood Academic Publishers and is now in its second printing through Brunner-Routledge. Her second book ‘Recipes for Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is YOU!’ has received rave reviews as a wonderful inspirational story book. ‘DELIGHT’, Dr. Holstein’s third book is available in two versions, paperback and a CD-rom that includes music, art, and Dr. Holstein’s voice.

Her book, ‘The Truth, (I’m a girl, I’m Smart and I Know Everything)’ is a first in positive psychology. It is a fiction book for girls, tweens and teens. Written by an 11 year old girl as a diary, Dr. Barbara has embedded within the story positive truths and concepts geared to help girls develop self-esteem and resiliency

Her second book in The Truth Series is Secrets: You Tell Me Yours and I’ll Tell You Mine…maybe!’ Now the girl is 13. She handles many adolescent issues, including a crush, moving, a death in the family, feeling fat and problems with girlfriends. Kids and parents have a book they can share and use as a sounding board for needed communication between the generations. This book is especially important in helping grandparents establish lines of communication with grandchildren and has been released in time for the Christmas Season.

All books are available at the author’s websites below, online booksellers and stores nationwide.


Contact:
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
170 Morris Ave., Long Branch, New Jersey 07740
732-571-1200
www.enchantedself.com
www.thetruthforgirls.com
drbarbara@enchantedself.com

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