'Speak From Your Heart And Be Heard: Stories Of Courage And Healing,' takes readers on a journey that is an illuminating exploration into intuition, resilience, and emotional honesty. The ebook version of the book will be available at no charge Oct. 19 and 20 at Amazon. According to the National Institute of Health, the "replacement child syndrome" describes the psychological difficulties that may arise when a child is born or is adopted after the death of a sibling and is unconsciously treated as a substitute for that child by the parents. It is not a formal psychiatric diagnosis, but a concept used in family and grief psychology.
In such cases, the child may feel that he or she is expected to resemble or behave like the lost sibling, fulfill the sibling’s role or ambitions or perhaps help alleviate the parents’ grief. According to an article in Psychology Today, a child born after a loss is not automatically a “replacement child”; the key issue is whether the family—or the child—experiences them as filling the lost sibling’s place.
Dr. Kixx Goldman devotes an entire chapter of Speak From Your Heart to the replacement child issue. It is a story that is both heart-rending and eye-opening.
"When I wrote about Lucy and her tragic ending in my story, "The Replacement Child," old feelings surfaced. Once again, I mourned the loss of a young woman I had known and cared about. As I wrote more, it became something else, an elegy for lost children, like Lucy. Often these children have caring parents who, like Lucy's parents, Betty and Josh, are struggling with unresolved grief from the death of an older child. If parents don't take time to accept and resolve their grief, they run the risk of failure in crucial bonding with their other children.
As some of us may know or only imagine, the loss of a child is profound. Betty was grief stricken after the death of her first child, Kyle. For parents, idealization of the lost child is common. Hopes and dreams resided in them. Not in an emotional space to nurture their other children, parents may instead burden them with past expectations and fears. In some cases, the replacement child is a constant, cruel reminder to parents of the lost child, the “angel.” (Psychology Today, Sept. 24, 2014)
Dr. Albert Cain, a psychologist, and his wife, Barbara Cain, a social worker, first studied the replacement child in the 1960s. They reported on six families in therapy after the death of a child. Their subsequent children developed emotional problems (Psychology Today, August 2012). Perhaps Josh or Betty, unwittingly, thought of Lucy as a substitute for Kyle, when they adopted her so quickly after his death. As we learn, this does not bode well for Lucy.
Rachel Stern is Betty's friend. As a therapist, Rachel is aware of the importance of grieving and the consequences of “substitution” on surviving children. When she arrives to visit Betty and again hears her label Lucy as a “pathological liar,” Rachel recoils. As events unfold, her dismay grows as she witnesses Betty’s persistent distrust and rejection of Lucy.
Rachel watches in despair as Betty gazes mournfully at the prominent photo of her lost son, Kyle, over the mantel, with Lucy looking on. What must Lucy be feeling? With Betty so fixed on her idealized memory of Kyle, she is blinded to seeing Lucy clearly, a beautiful young woman in the bloom of life.
Betty continually blames Lucy for her own mistakes. By the time Rachel visits with Lucy, alone, in her bedroom, her mother's criticism and attacks have left deep scars. Not only has this young woman learned she will never measure up or meet her mother’s unrealistic expectations, but she is having grave difficulty developing her identity.
Perhaps you wonder how Lucy’s story could have been different?
If Betty had taken time to grieve and accept the loss of Kyle, she might have been able to bond with Lucy and encourage her to develop her own identity. It could have been a healing experience for both mother and daughter.
Instead of calling Lucy a "pathological liar," Betty might have supported her and said something like, “I’d like you to feel safe enough with me to be honest. I trust and support you, Lucy. Dad and I love you! You're an important part of our family.”
Could Lucy’s death have been avoided if Rachel had spoken out instead of stifling her responses or would it have taken more than that? You, dear readers, may ponder that same question.
Imagine Lucy’s life if we had more community support systems for troubled children or, for that matter, their parents. Parents may apply labels like “pathological liar,” especially when they feel powerless to solve problems. Lucy’s life might have been spared if Betty and Josh had help from the community, from a group that encouraged them to tell their stories, talk about their challenges, and interact more genuinely with their daughter. It’s possible they could have broken out of the destructive dance that undermined their love and best intentions.
'Speak from Your Heart And Be Heard' is not just a book-it's a beacon of hope and healing, offering readers real insight for navigating life with grace and resilience.
The ebook version of the book will be available October 19 and 20 at Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/stores/Dr.-Kixx-Goldman/author/B07XCZ9SXS.
The eight engaging fictional stories in this collection are personal, drawn from experiences in Dr. Kixx's life and the lives of her clients. The characters are tested by everyday traumas...
o A devoted father and his daughter find hope in rewriting their past.
o With remarkable grit, a teacher escapes a surprise attack.
o To heal his childhood wounds, a man must conquer his fears.
o A therapist defies the establishment to protect her clients.
o As she confronts the church, a therapist regains her standing.
o A woman learns the risks of not speaking out.
o By sharing her story and bonding with peers, a woman overcomes her trauma.
As the characters in these stories find the courage to triumph over their challenges, they heal and grow.
These characters, inspired by real life people, show readers how to find the courage to transform difficult and traumatic life experiences, speak their truth and reclaim their power.
'Speak From Your Heart and Be Heard: Stories Of Courage And Healing' has received rave reviews from readers and reviewers. Leslie S. Greenberg, PhD, distinguished Research Professor Emeritus, Dept. of Psychology, York University said, " In each story, the characters' resilience is illustrated by how they transform difficult life stories into constructive final narratives. They find the courage to triumph over challenges to heal and they grow. The message of the book: speaking one's truth makes for desired change and healing."
In her review, Liz Moulden said, "The short stories from Speak from Your Heart and Be Heard have given me a second chance and a voice, the voice I never had. What's exciting about this book is each main character in these short stories experienced some kind of abuse/ trauma but each finds their inner voice. With help, they're able to heal. Anyone who has ever experienced abuse or trauma as I have will be able to see snapshots of themselves in these stories."
In addition, Dr. Goldman offers a treasure trove of related information on her blog. Her articles span topics from diversity to human relations, psychology, single parenting, immigration and children, marriage and family and much more. The blog can be found at her website.
Dr. Kixx Goldman is available for media interviews and can be reached using the information below or by email at drkixxgoldman@gmail.com. 'Speak from Your Heart and Be Heard' is available at Amazon and other book retailers. More information is available on her website at https://www.drkixxgoldman.com.
About Dr. Kixx Goldman:
Dr. Kixx Goldman is an author, a psychologist, and a coach. Kixx grew up in post-war Seattle. Before following the call of the desert and moving to Arizona, Kixx married a Canadian, lived in Vancouver, and raised three children. During those years, she acted in the local theater. She played the vindictive Abigail in Arthur Miller’s Crucible. It was her most memorable role and a catalyst for change and growth in her life.
Kixx earned graduate degrees in education and counseling psychology. In her private practice, she helped couples untangle fight cycles and recreate emotional intimacy. She also worked with individuals and families, and taught workshops on personal empowerment and conflict resolution. As a consultant in public schools, she helped students overcome learning problems and develop social skills.
Contact:
Dr. Kixx Goldman
https://www.drkixxgoldman.com
drkixxgoldman@gmail.com
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