Bullying has always been a problem for kids. In the past, children who were bullied dreaded going to school and looked forward to a respite after arriving home at the end of the school day. Today however, as the result of social media, bullying can go on around the clock. Most adults cannot even begin to imagine the stress and pressure modern-day bullying produces. We may laugh and enjoy the antics of Tina Fey's 'Mean Girls' on the stage, but for teens living with bullying everyday it can be treacherous. Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, psychologist and award winning selfie film maker offers some down to earth advice regarding how to talk to your children about bullying and social media.
"Bullying is a serious situation," Dr. Holstein stated. "Although we all have suffered some degree of bullying growing up, most parents are finding that when their child is bullied it is far more serious and potentially hurtful than what happened to them. Whether it is the extreme of a child trying to take his own life after being bullied or a case of a cell phone tucked in her bed to check social media during the night to see what new negative remarks have been made about her, there are an abundance of upsetting bullying situations going on. A potential suicide or an actual suicide is beyond devastating and a loss of human life because of bullying should never happen. Lack of sleep may be made up, but the feelings of insecurity and hurt can last a lifetime.
"As a psychologist-filmmaker, I am always looking at ways to help parents raise their children and at the same time looking at ways to build a youngster's sense of self worth and recognition of her talents and potential. Boys and girls are not exactly the same to raise, as anyone raising kids can attest to. Girls start to lose self-confidence around 4th or 5th grade and boys often become more daring. Either stance can be a potential safety hazard in terms of development. To add bullying and social media into the mix is close to an explosive recipe. Here are some down to earth suggestions regarding how to handle bullying and social media with your children:
"Monitor your child's involvement with social media. Bullying that happens on-line may be kept from you, if you have not created a clear stance that allows you to know what is happening on the sites your child visits. Remember, you are the parent and/or the legal guardian. You have a right to set time limits and to be allowed to see what is going on.
"Given the above, let's be realistic. Kids are good a hiding from parents what they are really doing and what is happening to them. So here are tips to keep the channels open:
"Share often what happened to you growing up. Any stories out of your past where maybe you were ashamed, humiliated, put down, or on the upside, put a bully in his place, etc. are great. They make you more than a parent. They make you human and someone your child may dare to open up to and tell the truth.
"Watch your child's behaviors. If they suddenly change, for example he will no longer eat at the table with the family, his door is closed all the time and he looks bedraggled, don't wait for him to share what is happening. Try to take some time to chat with him. Punishing for not coming to the table or locking a bedroom door will not be as helpful in the long run as sharing your concern, giving a hug and letting him know you are always there for him.
"If she tells you about a bully or bullying stay alert. Ask her if she wishes you to come to school and talk to the principal or guidance counselor. She may say no, but again, you are the parent, you can make clear that you will have to make the final judgement on the situation.
"Unfortunately, she may not tell you anything. Remember, Any real change in behavior NOT to the good you should always take notice. For example if you see a drop in grades, or all of a sudden your child has begun to look sad all the time, she is easily irritated are all possible signs that she is a victim of teasing, gossip or bullying. If she is sleeping with her phone, turning it off quickly as you come by, not happy to show you her social media sites, she may be dealing with kids ganging up on her or some form of ostracizing.
"The best advice I can give you is really listen to your child. Put your own phone down, stop texting, checking social media, etc. when your child is around. Stay involved in his or her life. Do activities together, from family picnics to telling jokes. Be available as much as you can be and never be afraid to take charge as necessary."
Dr. Holstein is currently developing "The Selfie Project" to help kids share their feelings and thoughts in a meaningful way via Selfies that can reach millions. "The Selfie Project" provides a way for young people to go public on a number of subjects. Bullying is real, school violence is real, drama because of social media is real for kids.'The Selfie Project' is giving voice to those subjects. A pilot TV show is in the development phase. Teens will have a chance to discuss via their Selfies and in discussion with Dr. Holstein, various topics that affect their lives, from friend drama to fear of assault weapons. As of this moment, teens can share a link to their Selfies and Dr. Holstein will consider them for inclusion on her website, SelfieFilmmakers.com.
Holstein's short films have won numerous awards and accolades.
The Truth A Short Film:
Garden State Film Festival Premier - Best Pop Song 2016
Golden Door Int. Film Festival - Official Selection - September 2016
Grove Film Festival - Showing - May 2017
Female Filmmakers Film Festival - Official Selection - 12th of 92 films
Roselle Park Shorts Film Festival - Official Selection - September 2017
The Truth A Short Short Film:
FilmOneFest Premier - July 2016
Chain Film Festival - Official Selection - August 2016
Jersey City Int. Television and Film Festival - Official Selection - November 2016
Hang On To Your Shorts Film Festival - Official Selection- May 2017
Secrets A Coming Of Age Selfie Film:
Alice Guy-Blache Women In Cinema Award - Nomination - October 2017, Golden Globe International Film Festival
NewFilmmakers, Manhattan- Official Selection, January 24, 2018
Brightside Tavern Shorts Fest Film Series - Best Experimental Film nomination - March 2018
Brightside Tavern Shorts Fest Film Series - Best New Jersey Short nomination - March 2018
Brightside Tavern Shorts Fest Film Series - Best Concept nomination - March 2018
Hang on To Your Shorts, Official Selection - April 2018, Nominated for Best New Jersey Drama and Best Experimental Film
Shown March 1 1018 as one of 6 outstanding women’s films at the Behane Center in Jersey City, for Women’s History Month by Golden Door International Film Festival.
Brightside Tavern Film Festival, Season 7 - Best Experimental Film - March 2018
Falling In Love A Coming Of Age Selfie Film:
Grove Film Festival, Official Selection-May 2017
Hang On To Your Shorts Film Festival - Best Experimental Film nomination - May 2017
Hang On To Your Shorts Film Festival - Best Concept Film nomination - May 2017
Hang On To Your Shorts Film Festival - Megan Brown Rising Star Award - May 2017
Love Shorts Film Festival - Official Selection - February 2018
Newest Film: ‘Conflict’ selected for the New Jersey International Film Festival at Voorhees Hall, Rudgers University, Saturday, June 9th at 5:00 PM.
'Secrets' was selected for inclusion in "Passages: Women in Transition," Women In Media - Newark's 2018 Women's History Month film festival, held on April 4, 2018 out of Rutgers University Newark, New Jersey.
'Falling in Love, A Coming of Age, Selfie Film, is detailed in a new ebook: 'A Selfie Film - Falling In Love' by Dr. Holstein. This ebook presents issues and stories behind the creation of Dr. Holstein's "selfie films", which utilize cutting edge New Media technology. Topics and questions for discussion can be used by a parent and a child, or a group of hundreds as universal subjects of growing up and handling tough issues are presented.
Dr Holstein presented her Selfiesasfilm concept, along with her films, at the American Psychological Association meetings in early August 2017 at a Symposium: Novel Directions: Novel Directions: Four Practicing Psychologists' Atypical Pursuits.
On March 27th, 2018, Dr. Holstein was invited back to the Ocean Township Middle School Author's Day where she had the privilege of sharing her two books, 'The Truth, Diary of a Gutsy Tween' and 'Secrets, Diary of a Gutsy Teen' along with three of her Selfie Films based on these books to the entire group of children invited to participate in Authors Day.
Dr. Holstein makes a number of her books and films available to be used as fundraising tools. She requests that any verified charitable organization interested in raising funds contact her via email. She is available for media interviews and can be reached using the information below or by email at barbara.holstein@gmail.com. More information is available at her website at http://www.SelfieFilmmakers.com.
Profile:
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, internationally known Positive Psychologist is the creator of The Enchanted Self ®, a positive psychology method for happiness and a pioneer in Selfies as Film. Dr. Holstein's Enchanted Self website was included as one of the best websites in positive psychology. She is in private practice in Long Branch, New Jersey with her husband, Dr. Russell M. Holstein.
Dr. Barbara can be found on the web, interviewed, writing articles and posting video 'TED' style talks on Happiness, Positive Psychology, Relationships and Parenting.
She has been a contributor to Your Tango, Heart and Soul, Cosmopolitan Magazine, Redbook, Real Simple, The Wall Street Journal, Time on line, the Today Show and Family Circle Magazine.
Contact:
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
170 Morris Ave.,
Long Branch, New Jersey 07740
barbara.holstein@gmail.com
732-571-1200
http://www.thetruthforgirls.com
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